I wake from my first night home in my own queen-sized bed under a fluffy down comforter and pillow. It’s 4pm?! Apparently I just slept 20 hours straight.
I told Nichole I’d stop by Alpine... since they close in an hour, I quickly get ready.
I stand before my closet and dresser of clothes and freeze; I am overwhelmed by the choices I have, and I never even thought I had many. I wore virtually the same three pairs of pants and two shirts everyday for the last 60 days. I eat breakfast/lunch (…or is it dinner?) and go.
The clinic is less than ten minutes away, with no major traffic lights or freeways needed to get there. I focus on the road only, and barely notice anything else. I don’t think I can handle much more stimulus.
There is a new receptionist I’ve never met before. It’s already different…I stumble for words. I am a bit delirious - or overwhelmed...but I manage to tell her I work here; and I go on back. Nichole and Kelly are there – I’m so happy to see them both, and give them two big hugs…but of course they are the two people that are leaving…
I was so excited to come back to Alpine, and start working with you again, mentoring, collaborating, dreaming and manifesting, all the while, having a fun time. Now, things are changing – not the way I had anticipated – and I am forced to re-evaluate and figure out what I want – again. People keep telling me it will be a great opportunity…I don’t know. It’s overwhelming and I disagree.
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Overwhelming
Hmm how often do we contemplate the meaning of that word?
In Bhimpedi, I walked the same 500-1000m everyday, and still haven’t met all the faces, or tried all the “restaurants,” or noticed all the plants and flowers. I saw some patients ~10-15 times in seven weeks and still didn’t address all their complaints. I worked and lived with the same five doctors 24/7 for 60 days, and felt as if I just started to get to know them.
Now I am in this world with so much freedom, options, choices, opportunities…yet too often we hear life associated with the word…mundane. Are we overwhelmed with this plethora of stimulus and options that we just tune it all out, and thus life becomes mundane? Might it also be that I am part of this “millennial generation,” where if I don’t dream big, I am a failure? I have no story?
Que garne? What to do??
Its like that time I was on the cliff meditating. I don’t have to look at the horizon, or look at every single tree I see. I can focus in on ground below me, and maybe a couple trees in front of me.
I don’t have to accept every complaint a patient presents to me. We can focus on a few at a time.
I don’t have to go back to school now, or experience every possible profession my credentials allows for now. I can try one out and give it time.
In Bhimpedi, I walked the same 500-1000m everyday, and still haven’t met all the faces, or tried all the “restaurants,” or noticed all the plants and flowers. I saw some patients ~10-15 times in seven weeks and still didn’t address all their complaints. I worked and lived with the same five doctors 24/7 for 60 days, and felt as if I just started to get to know them.
Now I am in this world with so much freedom, options, choices, opportunities…yet too often we hear life associated with the word…mundane. Are we overwhelmed with this plethora of stimulus and options that we just tune it all out, and thus life becomes mundane? Might it also be that I am part of this “millennial generation,” where if I don’t dream big, I am a failure? I have no story?
Que garne? What to do??
Its like that time I was on the cliff meditating. I don’t have to look at the horizon, or look at every single tree I see. I can focus in on ground below me, and maybe a couple trees in front of me.
I don’t have to accept every complaint a patient presents to me. We can focus on a few at a time.
I don’t have to go back to school now, or experience every possible profession my credentials allows for now. I can try one out and give it time.I can always change the treatment plan later, or take a different path later if necessary.
I wrote a blog about "trusting the process" in the context of patient care and treatment plan. I need to trust the process for myself too. I keep worrying about a lack of story I have for myself. I must trust that I am living that story and it is there. Healing takes time. A story takes time too.
