Vipassana part 1- pain and anger

Vipassana. Not sure  if I should even write about  this because it's now of the past. Also not even sure how to verbalize the plethora of sensations, emotions, and processings experienced!

Oh what the hell. It's a present  memory! And it will help me solidify my understanding of meditation, and then so I can share it!


Briefly, vipassana is a form of mediation anyone can do, non sectarian, universal . Course  is a silent 10 day course. Wake  up bell 4am. Last mediation ends  at 9pm.

First few days were excruatiatingly painful- physically and mentally. Physically, my neck and back made me feel old. Body hated me for sitting countless hourss in  day (I think more than when I was in school)! Mentally, from only sitting meditation and  from all the nos and can't-do list. All created so much anger, upset and new sankharas...exactly what's not suppose to happen.

So of course I rebelled. I controlled  my breathing- pranyama , I chanted sanskrit mantras and  even did some  yoga ..sometimes visualized sequences in my head, sometimes secretly in my room. All to maintain sanity and attempt to soothe my liver qi.

Marley, if you're reading this, came  to mind many times while  there to intensely question you, why you didn't warn me!!

Day 3 ..4..5...6...

Each day got easier and  more bareable .Relatively. Each day was also  roller coaster in itself. By day 4 or so it was enforced to maintain complete stillness for the three 1hr group sessions. So i put all my effort into those to stay still and meditate ..even if not 100percent vipassana exclusive. So subsequently, during the other meditations ( yes that's all we did meditation and then more meditation), I would be fidgeting and mind racing.

10th day. Who knows what results would have  been if I had followed all rules and gave  100. But received what I put  in and in the e nd I am quite content with outcome. No regrets..